Adoption FAQ's

I thought I would write this post to answer some of the common questions we have, or likely will, encounter through our adoption process.  Hopefully it will shed some light on the beauty of adoption and our heart to be part of this design for creating a family.

Why are you adopting?  Are you no longer able to have children of your own?
Chris and I have never been very private about our struggle with a very mild form of infertility.  While getting pregnant is a challenge for me, it is not impossible.  We do not view adoption as a last resort and discussed adopting a child long before we even knew conceiving would be difficult for us.  We have had open hearts and minds to adoption for many years and have been waiting for the Lord to give us the nudge.  We're here now!  This is the time!  We realize we were orphans, separated from the Lord by our sin, and then saved by Jesus Christ and adopted into God's family as brothers and sisters.  We are so thankful for our own adoption that we want to embody that here on earth.  We cannot imagine our family without adopting a child.

Why China?  Why not a child right here from the United States?
This is a hard one to answer.  China has been on my heart since I was a young girl...probably in my college years.  I distinctly remember looking at adoption websites when I was in college and China was always where my heart felt led.  I don't know why, but that is what God has placed on my heart.  Chris always wanted to adopt and rescue an orphan, without ever having a real preference about where the child came from.  Since I had such a strong desire to adopt from China, he agreed to that as our focus for this adoption.  We realize there are many children around the world who are waiting for homes and families to love them.  We felt that international adoption was a better fit for us, for now, for this adoption.  My many years working in the field of social work and foster care definitely taught me of the great need for families for orphans right here in the United States.  I think the one difference we see is that orphans in the United States are placed in homes with parents to care for them on a day to day basis (even if it is a foster home) and children outside the United States are placed in institutions with little one on one care or contact from a loving, trusted adult.  God did not design children to thrive in orphanages.  The thought of rescuing a child from an orphanage and bringing them home to a loving, committed family is what stuck out to us.  So while we do not deny the tremendous need for families to adopt children born right here in the United States, we saw our opportunity to reach out to a child in need to be greater in an international setting.  International and domestic adoption are both great avenues for building a family.  We've just felt God leading us on the route to an international adoption at this time.

What do your kids think about this?
Joshua and Grace are obviously far too young to understand the concept of adoption.  We will do our best to prepare them to accept and love a new sibling just as we would if I were carrying the child in my own womb.  We are sure they will be blessed by the addition of a brother or sister to our family.  Jacob has a much better understanding about adoption and couldn't be more excited.  In his words, he has always wanted a "ginormous" family.  He has already begun to pray for his sibling and has asked many insightful questions.  We will continue to talk with him, prepare him, and welcome his inquisitive questions and remarks.  He has been exposed to several families in our church who have adopted and has already seen a great example of what that will look like in our home.

Isn't adoption horribly expensive?  How will you pay for it?
Truthfully, yes, adoption is a huge expense.  Truthfully, we have no clue where all of the money will come from, but we have full trust that God has called us to adopt and He will not abandon us with no way to finance it.  We know He will provide and we will be humbled by His provision.  We cannot wait to see His glory revealed through all of this!

How long will your adoption take?
From the very inception of our application with our agency, we were told to expect anywhere from 12-24 months (more likely on the 24 month end of things since we desire a girl).  We started our application in July 2013 and things are moving more slowly than I think I anticipated.  I'm still sticking with the 24 month goal with great hopefulness, but I am also trying to prepare myself to see that number eventually nudge toward 36 months.  Truthfully, we don't know!  God does though, and isn't there so much comfort to know He has it already all worked out?

What do your families think about this?
They are thrilled!!  Everyone has been so excited and supportive!  I will say that their reactions went beyond my expectations.  They are just as eager as we are to welcome a new child to the family and I think their hearts and arms ache almost as badly as ours do to be filled with our Little One! 

What can I do to help?
Pray!!!  Please pray for our family as we embark on this journey!  It is grueling.  It is exhausting and emotionally draining.  Pray we have endurance, energy, stamina, and don't get discouraged when we feel things aren't going the direction we had hoped.  Pray for our Little One!  That she might know love, safety, and nurturing during her stay in the orphanage.  Pray for her birth mother, for her heart, for the bravery to give her child life, and for strength to know when to let her go.  Pray for our children.  That their hearts and minds will be prepared to accept a new sibling when the time comes.  Pray for Chris and I in our marriage to stay strong through this process, to take set backs and difficulties in stride, and for our hearts and minds to be open and prepared for whatever needs our future child may have.  Pray for our social worker, US immigration officials, and the Chinese officials as they review our files and paperwork and that they might respond to us in favor.   Pray for God to speak to you if you ought to be involved more directly in helping us on this journey.  Some friends have donated skills and services to help us raise money, some have sweetly offered to listen to me babble when the going gets tough and offered a shoulder to cry on, some pray without ceasing, some have given us funds to help get to the finish line, some have given me their creative juices to come up with fundraising ideas.  Whatever your skills, gifts, talents....if God leads you to share them with us to accomplish this adoption, we would be so honored to use them!

So where are you in the process right now, in February 2014?
What I want to say and what the truth is are so totally different, yet so totally part of God's plan!  I want to say we are DTC (dossier to China).  What I have to say is that we are still digging through the mud of the home study process!  It is slow, we are slow, and well, it is just A LOT to do!  But we are plugging along and nearing that finish line!  I cannot wait to post once that home study is complete and hot off the presses in my hands!!!!  Soon!

Do you have more questions?  I'd love to respond to them!  Please feel free to post them on Facebook, e-mail them to me, or post them as comments on this blog!  I'll be happy to respond!

We're Adopting!

I have literally been bursting at the seams with anticipation of writing this post!  I cannot wait to share with you all God is doing in our lives!

When Chris and I got married, we very early shared with one another a stirring in our hearts toward adoption.  Both of us were curious, intrigued, and drawn to the idea of growing our family in this way.  We talked about perhaps adopting first, before we tried to have our own biological children.  God had other plans in mind when He blessed us first with Jacob and later with Joshua and Grace.  Still, despite our ever growing family, we both still had a deep longing to consider adoption.  When we first got married, Chris and I were planted in a different church from the one we now call home.  God lead us on a difficult and confusing path early in our marriage to consider a different church home.  In 2005 we planted our feet firmly into the family of Ashland Avenue Baptist Church and we have been so deeply blessed for it.  Not only are we weekly graced with outstanding expositional preaching and a myriad of opportunities to plug in and serve the body, but God also wove together as a part of His plan for us, a church home deeply committed to developing a culture of adoption within the church body.  What a blessing it has been for Chris and I to watch families go before us, stepping out in faith, and rescuing an orphan from various parts of this world and nation.  We have been so encouraged by the testimonies of so many.

As we considered growing our family again we knew God was throwing wide the doors for us to pursue adopting a child from China.  It is with great joy I announce to you that we are ADOPTING!  There will be one less orphan in this world and one more Burris.  We cannot wait to see God continue to weave together this aspect of our family life and we long for the day we will see the first photo of our daughter, pray for her by name, and hold our child in our arms.  I plan to blog our journey as much as I can.  Will you follow along with us?  Will you pray with us and for us?  We look forward to rejoicing with all of you when we bring our child home; this child not born of my womb, but born deeply in my heart as a tiny seed that has grown and grown since Chris and I were married in 2004.  9+ years of waiting on His timing.  The time is now and it is so good to know we are right where He wants us to be!

We're expecting!  Praying for a little one from China, arriving in the next 12-24 months!

Fall = Hiking!

Fall = hiking in the Burris home!  We love to get out and enjoy God's creation while the temperatures are just right in Kentucky.  Our family has been especially frazzled the last few weeks, so two weekends in a row with Daddy off work on Friday and family days spent hiking in the woods was definitely a much needed oasis for all of us!  We had a blast!

We kicked things off with our annual sojourn to Dog Slaughter Falls near Corbin, KY.  This year we decided to be bold and go backpack free!  Our little two and a half year olds walked their feet off and had a blast!  Two miles, round trip, pretty rough terrain, and they all did it with smiles on!  This was sort of a test run for us and their success has opened many doors to future hiking adventures now that we no longer have to "wear" them!

Jacob rapidly stepped up to the role of leader.  He led the way down the trail and would call out if we needed to carry Joshua and Grace over rough terrain or hold hands with them near edges of cliffs.  He did great!  We were so proud of him!

 

Joshua ate the whole thing up!  LOVED it.  We now call him "Captain Nature Boy."

 

 

Nothing better than the reward of the gorgeous falls at the bottom of the trail.  A quiet little spot where the kids can play in the stream and we can eat lunch.  We love it here.

 

 

Little Miss often runs out of steam on a simple walk around the block.  She amazed all of us with her hiking skills and happy attitude!  What a trooper!  Remember, she's little....those legs had to work extra hard!

 

Brothers, being brothers.  Love them!

 

 

We had so much fun on our trip to Dog Slaughter Falls that we just couldn't get enough.  Chris has put in long hours at work at the end of September and will be out of town at the end of October, so he decided some quality family time was in order.  He decided to take a second Friday off work in a row--a rare thing indeed!  We decided to get a little crazy and branch out this time, venturing off to Madison, Indiana to Clifty Falls.  It was worth it!  The drive alone was fantastic.  We took all country roads, through farms and itty bitty towns.  We saw numerous deer on the trip and lots of fantastic scenery.  I brought my Bible study to work on during the drive, thinking we were taking the interstate to get there.  When I realized our route was so picturesque I couldn't do anything but watch!  Dog Slaughter Falls had been about a half day trip (including travel time).  This time we pushed the kids to the max and did a full day trip.  We left our house around 9AM and got home sometime around 8PM or a little later.  We loved it so much, we are already excited to go back again and perhaps stay a night or two next time!  Madison is a great little town and the hiking was great!

 

This boy was ready to roll all...day...long.  When we told him it was time to go because it would be dark soon, he said, "But we're having so much fun!"  He was so right...

 

 

Daddy and daughter checking things out.

 

 

We found a hanging branch on one of the trails.  Made a fun swing for the "bigger boys."

 

 

My men.  I love them.

 

 

Taking a little rest on a log...don't fall in the stream, Joshua!

 

 

It turns out Jacob is rather handy with the camera!  A rare photo of Mommy and Daddy...TOGETHER!

 

 

Our family loves to get outside and hike together, exploring all God has created and given to us to enjoy.  There is nothing more refreshing than mud on your shoes, fresh air in your lungs, and a clear heart and mind walking in the woods.  Hope you've had time to enjoy His creation this fall, too!





Why Going Screen Free this Summer was the Best Decision Ever

I guess the title pretty much sums up everything related to this post.  First of all, let me make a few things clear.  Going screen free was a tremendous blessing for our family.  I am not saying all families should go screen free with their children or feel guilt over allowing their children to watch television.  There are many benefits to using television carefully and wisely with your children from time to time.  I'm not saying television is bad for children or that all families should get wild and crazy and join us on our crazy decision to eliminate television.  This was a deeply personal decision for our family that involved the conviction of the Holy Spirit in our hearts.  We felt led to do this and by His power, we were able to accomplish it.  We certainly do not judge others who watch TV or allow their children to do so.  Also, please note the screen free title applies only to the little people in our house.  Chris and I still watch a show or two each night before bed.  Please do not view this post as some lame attempt on my part to appear righteous or holy.  We are certainly NOT those things. We are also not down on the television or those who watch it.  We simply followed the prompting of the Holy Spirit in our lives and He blessed us for our obedience.

This spring Chris and I saw some pretty dramatic behavior from all of our children related to the television.  We never allowed our kids to watch much; generally one thirty minute program or DVD per day with some occasional additional times to watch ball games or movies as a family.  Late in the spring I'd gotten a little lazy with Jacob and started allowing him to watch a bit of TV again when he got up from his quiet time while the babies finished their naps.  It started out pretty harmlessly, but as I continued to allow it, I noticed he started to get seriously addicted.  He was constantly begging for more TV, it was never enough when I would ask him to turn it off, and heaven forbid if for some reason we just didn't make it to the TV that day.  It took me a while to piece all of it together, but many of our most intense arguments were related to the television.  One day I was praying about my relationship with Jacob and it hit me.  There were two areas of sin that required addressing: 1.) My child had made the television an idol in his life and 2.) I had allowed him to create this idol in order to feed my own selfish desire for more "me" time (usually surfing the internet or some other time-wasting activity).  Once I clearly saw the sin and all that was happening, the decision for us was simple.  We needed to turn off the TV.  This was a big commitment on our part as I'd grown accustomed to that bit of time to do housework with no one underfoot, or do other things.  I also KNEW Jacob was going to resist and things would be ugly.

Chris and I discussed it and made the commitment to turn it off for the month of June.  We were not turning it off altogether, but simply removing all the daily/scheduled times we watched it.  We would still have freedom to watch a baseball game together one evening or have a movie on a rainy day.  I would have freedom to choose if we could watch, but it would not be a regular, daily activity anymore.  We sat Jacob down and told him why we'd made this decision and told him that starting on June 1st, the television would go from our routine.  We gave him about a one week warning. 

June 1st rolled around and again, I was certain it was going to be ugly with begging and complaining and that I'd have no idea how to fill the time I'd grown accustomed to throughout the day without the kids needing constant attention.  It became very clear to me that I was definitely following God's leading when June 1st rolled around and there was no mention of the TV from any of the kids.  A week went by.  No mention of the TV.  Another week went by, still no mention.  It was easy.  We were being intentional about our time together.  By the time July rolled around we'd gotten so used to being without it, it was a no brainer for us to continue on without.  Now August is here and we still have not put it back on.

Am I saying from June 1st until now that our kids have not watched a single program on TV?  NO!  We've watched Reds baseball games together and had some occasions where we've treated the kids to one of their old "familiar" programs (usually after long, exhausting days of play).  God was so good to us to prompt us to do this and redeem the time we were wasting.  The other day Jacob said, "Mommy, why don't we ever watch the TV anymore?"  I told him, "Remember, we'd made an idol of it and we decided it was a waste of our time.  Aren't we having so much fun together without it?"  He responded, "Oh, yeah.  We DO have a lot of fun!"

One of the best things I've seen is the imaginations of my kids explode!  No one is guiding their play or telling them what to think or do.  They have become quite the trio this summer and have built many a "pillow house," gone on "carriage rides," played race, created airports and bus stops, played water outside, gone on walks to collect "treasures" from around the neighborhood.  We could have done all of this with the television on, but when we were watching, I noticed much of their play was driven by something one of the characters had done in the latest show they watched (not in a bad way...we always chose quality programs to watch,), but now I see them thinking of what THEY want to play or do, be or create.  I love it.  I love being free from it.  I love being able to gift them with a program as a special treat, not an expected part of their day.  I love that now when I put on a program, Joshua rapidly gets bored and comes to find me to read him a book instead.

Again, I say all this not to proclaim how mighty we are, or that all parents need to implement this strategy in their home.  I'm saying God directed us, our family, to do this and He was faithful to show us it was a wise decision for the functioning of our home.  We are thankful we tried it.  We are thankful He was so faithful to redeem all that time.  We are thankful He made it easy (He certainly did not have to do that!).  We are thrilled to see our children blossom in new ways and for strained relationship to begin healing.  We will prayerfully continue to consider the role of the television in our home and continue to be open to His leading and prompting.  So yes, for us, going screen free this summer was the best decision ever.  What challenges did you and your family tackle this summer?

Back to School!

It is hard to believe it is back to school time around here!  This year Jacob is attending morning kindergarten at Trinity Christian Academy.  His assessment so far?  Kindergarten is super cool!

 

Jacob, we are praying for you to have an outstanding year of kindergarten!  We love you!

Another Year of AWANA!

Our family loves AWANA!  It is hard to believe this year four of us are participating! 

I am teaching a Puggles class again this year.  I've lost count...I think this is my fifth year teaching.

 

Joshua is in Puggles this year and I am lucky enough to have him in my class!  He's one handsome looking Puggle!

 

Grace is also in Puggles this year and also on my team!  Go Yellow Team!

 

Jacob graduated from Cubbies to Sparks this year!  Despite the look on his face in all the pictures, he really is excited about AWANA this year!

Family Vacation: Part II

If you know Chris and I, you know spontaneity is not our strength.  I am a planner to the core.  I am also indecisive (being married has made this worse since I always have someone to defer to!).  When we planned our trip to Pennsylvania a year ago we just figured we'd do the trip and come on home.  That was when we thought it was only a six hour drive from here.  Then I did google maps about a month before we left and found it was ten hours (more like 11+ stops).  Going for a long weekend seemed like a lot of time in the car in a short span of time.  I started looking at the map more closely and started seeing the word beach in areas that didn't seem all that far away.  Another google map search revealed we would be less than three hours away from the beach.  I love the beach.  I started making hints to Chris that perhaps we should extend our trip by a couple days and do the whole beach thing with the kids.  At first the answer was no.  Then we talked some more and Chris realized that he could use a full week off from work (he is great about taking a day off here or there, but really bad about allowing himself a full chunk of time to get away, rest, and rejuvenate).  At first we were going to just enjoy those extra days at home.  Then on Tuesday, as I'm madly packing, Chris sends me an e-mail and says "Let's do it!"  So Tuesday night around 10PM we finally booked a hotel and made it official.  Once we packed up camp in PA on Sunday, we would travel south to enjoy the beaches of Delaware and Maryland.  Hooray!  I'm so glad we figured this out before the suitcases were completely packed so I had time to sneak in the extra needed outfits, undies, and socks!

This was probably one of the most spontaneous things we've done recently.  And it was awesome.  It was such a great time to show the kids the ocean for the first time, have no agenda beyond waves and sand, and just enjoy our togetherness!  The kids loved it!

First stop was Rehoboth Beach, Delaware.

Grace got there, saw the water, and instantly said, "I go to water!"  This girl loves to get wet!

 

 

Joshua, on the other hand, was not too impressed by the water.  He kept saying, "I don't like that water!" 

 

It was okay that he didn't like the water.  The sand was a perfect compromise for him!  He loved it!

 

Grace enjoyed the sand too....

 

...till she ate it.  She said, "Hmm...its crunchy Mommy!"  (Take note of all the sand smashed around her mouth and face.)

 

Jacob had fun splashing in the waves too!

 

You don't get a whole lot of rest on vacation, so here he is chilling out on the sand.

 

A lap full 'o love!

 

After Rehoboth Beach we made our way down a coastal highway to our hotel.  We'd hoped to see more of the beach along the drive, but there were too many buildings.  It was a bit disappointing, but we did get to go through some cute little beach towns.  We stayed inland a bit from the beach to make the hotel more affordable.  We were about 25 miles inland and it worked out great.  Except for the fact that Joshua hums before he goes to sleep and it keeps everyone else in the room awake (and the fact that kids needed to be in bed at 8PM and Mom and Dad wanted to stay up later...hotel dwelling with little ones is a bit tricky!).

 

The second day we went to Assateague National Seashore in Maryland.  This is a barrier island and they have wild ponies in the park.  Well, the sign said they were "reintroducing" the wild ponies to the island.  They didn't seem that wild since they all congregated in the parking lot looking for food (despite the MANY signs not to feed them, I am sure people still do--they even have a special bike force called the Pony Patrol to keep people from getting too close or feeding them).  It was kind of neat to pull into the park and see ponies randomly walking around on the dunes or next to the road!

 

 

 

 

We loved Assateague National Seashore so much!  It was sooooooooo much better and enjoyable than Rehoboth because it was much less commercial (we could do without parking hassles, tons of shops, and a bustling boardwalk).  This was perfect.  There was a little boardwalk across the dunes to the beach and then just beach as far as the eye could see.  No buildings disturbing the beauty of it all.  Nothing commercial trying to capture our attention.  There were restrooms at the edge of the dunes (well, permanent outhouses, but they were sufficient) and showers to use after your day of fun to get the sand sort of off before getting into the car.  We spent the entire day here.  We could have stayed longer, but I think the kiddos were just getting worn out from the sun and needed some sleep.

 

No surprise Gracie was eager to test the water here, too!

 

All the kids really enjoyed the sand!

 

I really enjoyed getting my feet wet.  The water was a bit chilly though and people kept finding jelly fishes.  I didn't really want to venture out too far....

 

Chris and Jacob had no problem with the temperature of the water or the jelly fish sightings!  They both gave the boogie board a try and mastered it!  So proud of Jacob being brave enough to give this a try!

 

Gracie told me she needed to, "take a rest."  What a little sun bather!

 

Daddy worked with Joshua to help him not be so afraid.  They went to check out the water...

 

...and he got in!  After saying all day the day before, "I don't like that water" he ended the day saying, "Mommy!   Oshua likes that water!"  So proud of him to conquer that fear of the waves!

 

When we got back to the hotel we had three very sleepy, worn out kiddos!

 

 

We loaded up and hit the road pretty early the next day.  Vacationing is hard on the little people!

 



 

 

Vacationing is hard.  It is hard work to plan and prepare, to pack, and be ready.  It is exhausting when you get home (ummmmm, can you say mountains of laundry??).

 

 

 

Was it worth all the planning, the stress, the tension, the hard work before and after?  Yup.  It was worth every bit of sweat, every sleepless night, and every penny spent.  So many wonderful memories were made.  We hope to do it again soon!