Sleep Over for Gracie!

Tonight is the night!  It is Gracie's turn for her first ever overnight stay at Grandmama's house!  She woke up and told me she was excited and she was pleased as punch to drag her luggage around the house.  Not sure what she'll make if it tonight, but I hope and pray she loves this time of pampering with her Grandmama!  This is her FIRST overnight stay with Grandmama, her FIRST overnight away from Mommy and Daddy (sniff!), and her FIRST overnight away from her twin brother (unless you count the time Joshua had surgery when they were about 6 weeks old).  It is a big day for Miss Gracie Beth!

So excited! 

She is a typical girl.  She does not pack light!

All loaded up in Grandmama's car, hugs 'n kisses, given, settled in with a book, and ready to go!  FUN!

I've had one report so far today from Grandmama that Grace is loving her time.  She got to go eat lunch at a restaurant with Great Grandmama Kay and apparently she was not shy about displaying her appetite (apparently McKinney makes a mean grilled cheese!).  Now she's napping and I have no idea what is in store for the rest of the day, but I am sure it will be lots of sweet, girlie fun with Grandmama!  So thankful she gets to make sweet memories like this!

School's Out!

School is out for summer!  What a year it has been!  We have loved every minute of Jacob's time at Trinity Christian Academy in the 3 day Pre-K class.  His teachers have been a wonderful blessing to us and he has further grown in his deep love of learning.  Friendships grew, memories were made, and time flew by!  We cannot believe we were just here:

First day of Pre-K, August 17, 2012

A little unsure of what to expect, but excited to be "big" and starting school!

Now look where we are!!

Excited about last day festivities, not limited to, but including a lunch date with Mommy at Cracker Barrel after school!

He has grown so much this year!

The night before his last day of school, we were also treated to a wonderful Spring Program at his school including music, hymns, an impromptu review of the attributes of God (during which Jacob was able to recall the word omniscient and say it clearly into the microphone), Bible recitation, and poetry recitation.  We loved seeing all they have learned and how they have grown!

We have loved each and every minute of our experience at Trinity.  God graciously opened doors for us to be able to send him to the half-day kindergarten program at Trinity again next year.  He will attend in the mornings, five days a week.  We are really excited to see what the year has in store for us.  We have no idea how long God will allow for us to remain at Trinity or in "typical" school settings (we are prayerfully considering the possibility of homeschooling him).  We are just excited to prayerfully consider each year and see where God leads us.  We are so glad He led us to Trinity for Jacob's first experience with school!

Thank you, Trinity Christian Academy!  Jacob LOVES school!

That being said......it is summertime!  And we are EXCITED about summer break!  Yippee!



Book Worm!

I decided Jacob was old enough to get his own library card!  Look out world...we have a new library patron on our hands!

Signing the back of his card.

Showing off the new card!

Testing out the new card and checking out some new books!

Success!  Books checked out, library card secured in a good place, new library book bag to show off.  Happy kid!!

What an April!

We've had quite the April (well, some of it spilled into late March, too) around our house!  Sickness, more sickness, and sickness galore!  We literally made at the very least one trip per week to the pediatrician and some weeks included two trips!  In the month of April we had:

• Four people with pink eye
• One child with two ear infections
• Another child with an ear infection
• One child with strep (well, I think technically it was Scarlet Fever, but they don't really refer to it that way anymore)
• One child with "almost" pneumonia
• One child with vomiting
• One child with random, unexplained high temps of 102 for a day or so
• Two with deep, come from your toes, keep you up at night coughs
• One child with a rough allergic reaction to eggs that we learned later should have required us to use our epi-pen, but we are still learning all this allergy stuff and didn't use the epi-pen...

Each time we'd get hit with one thing and we'd go to the doctor and get it all cleared up I'd think...phew!  The worst is behind us!  We are finally well and can get out of the house.  That would last for a day or two and then the next one would start with symptoms of the next thing.  It seemed to go on and on and on.  We've been a pretty puny bunch lately, but as I write this we are all well and I pray it remains this way for a very long time!

Not sure if you can see it, but Grace's rash was pretty horrendous when she had Strep.

You can see more of the rash on her face.  She was so pitiful.  She would just lay down in the middle of the floor, wouldn't eat for days, and really didn't talk much either.  It lasted about a week, but boy were we glad when we got our Gracie back!

Joshua's allergic reaction.  You can see in the photo the redness and hives around his eye and how huge his lower lip is--very swollen.  This episode was the worst reaction so far (other than his very first reaction--before we knew he was even allergic to eggs) and it was entirely by mistake!  We have him on a no egg diet, but Mommy overlooked a product with egg!

This month has had some trying times, but it all makes me all the more thankful for our health and helps me realize how fragile life is.  What a sweet and precious gift it is to know the Lord holds each of us in the palm of His hand.  While mothering many who were ill I found so much peace and rest in knowing He was ever present with us through the trial.  Oh how I long for the New Heaven and New Earth where sickness will be no more!

Being Real

Honesty is the best policy, right?  Isn't it good and right and godly to tell the truth?  I am rapidly learning in my years as a stay-at-home-mom that while yes, honesty is good and right, it is also shaded into an area of grey.  Maybe it isn't really honesty I'm talking about, but more like transparency.  Stay-at-home-moms are not transparent.  They don't share what it's like, how the job wears them down, or how they sag into the couch each night feeling defeated and wondering why God gave them this job to do.  No, moms don't delve into those details.

When you go out and about and take your kids places you see plenty of moms out too...at the library, the mall, the grocery store, the playground, the picnic table, etc.  Sometimes you just smile and nod and sometimes you sit and chat a bit.  Always the moms are happy.  Always they LOVE their job.  Always they feel fulfilled and satisfied.  Always they think their children hung the moon.

No one talks about it.  And when you experience it, you feel terribly alone and isolated.  Like something is wrong with you.  Like you're failing as a mother.  What is it?  It is job strain, the perpetual wearing down until you feel as though you are a broken record doing the same thing over and over again.  Get up, make food, clean up food, clean up children, dress children, discipline children, make more food, clean up food that no one ate, clean up children (again), discipline children (again), do house chores, make more food....  You get the idea.  The same thing.  Over and over and over and over.  Like a broken record.  I've had broken record syndrome now for the last few months and I'll be totally honest and transparent.  It is HARD.  Some days I wake up and I know what is before me and I wonder how I'll ever even make it to that moment of sagging into the couch feeling totally defeated by the day.  How can I put one foot in front of the other?  How can I do the same thing day in and day out and fight the same battles with my children day in and day out?  When this started happening to me I felt even worse as a mother.  No one wants to feel like a failure, least of all as though they have failed as a parent or mother.  I felt very alone and very isolated.  I felt like I couldn't share my true feelings with anyone because they'd look down on me as a mom.

Then I decided to be transparent.  This job, this thing I do all day long, it is HARD.  And I'm not going to say I'm down in the dumps defeated every single day because that isn't true, but I'm also not going to say I'm peaches and cream delightfully overjoyed to do this job everyday either.  Some days are easier than others.  Some days are happier than others.  And some days are downright ugly.  Yes, I love my kids.  But in real life, I don't always sweetly correct them or joyfully give them a five minute warning before we have to leave the park.  Sometimes I yell.  Sometimes I get angry.  Sometimes I lose my temper.  I don't always point them to the gospel when I correct them and I don't always have the perfect verse memorized to apply to every discipline situation.  I don't think well on my feet and give snap responses that aren't always the most logical or the best.  I am NOT a perfect mom.  I do NOT have it all together.  The more I found myself being truthful and honest...transparent...with other moms, the more I soon realized I was so not alone in how I felt!  Then why do we do that?  Why do we try to cover up and hide how it really is?  Why can't we moms just get real with each other and support and encourage one another like we should?  We are all so wrapped up in this image of the perfect mom and we're so busy try to attain that form of perfection that we don't stop and look around.  We want to only portray the "facebook" mom image--you know the one I'm talking about.  The one where you only post witty things your children said, talk about how ooey gooey in love you are with your babies, and post only photos that show just exactly how perfectly prim and proper each member of your family is.  No one ever posts a photo of their children throwing their lunch on the kitchen floor for the 15th time, or shares a video of their six year old begging and whining to watch one more video on TV.  Your status update never reads, "I yelled at my kids today.  Bad."  Let's get real!  This job is hard.  I struggle sometimes.  My friends struggle sometimes.  Why can't we be more transparent and honest with each other when things are tough?  That just seems too easy.

God has really been convicting me of many things in my life as a mom--one of them this battle within me to maintain a certain image to those around us.  Never asking for help because asking for help is a sign of weakness.  Never sharing a struggle I'm having, but only offering advice to those who seem to have it worse off than I do.  I think God's been trying to share this message with me for some time and I've been too busy keeping my image up to hear Him.  Then He decided He needed to get my attention.  Loud and clear.  With a five year old who is relating to me as I would expect to relate to him much later in the teen years, with a two year old who acts like they don't know their name, and with another two year old who giggles when discipline comes and sweetly says, "yup!" when asked if discipline is needed.  Things are hard.  Answers aren't there.  And we aren't a perfect family.  Nothing like having your image come crashing down around you to realize how wrapped up you've been in your identity as wonder-woman, super duper do it all, accomplish it all mom.

It's time to get real.  Honest.  Transparent.  God, I cannot do this without You!  I cannot accomplish this task of mothering these children alone.  I am desperate, God.  Desperate for you, your wisdom, your insight, your answers.  Speak to me and I will listen.  No more image.  No more identity as a "facebook mom."  I want to be me.

So what is life like with three ages five and under?  I'm going to be transparent.  It is a hard job!  It is tiring.  I sag into the couch each night and often I admit I feel defeated.  I struggle against feeling like a broken record.  I get angry with my kids.  Sometimes I daydream about running away.  I don't have the answers.  I battle with ugly sinful hearts.  I battle with my own ugly sinful heart.  I cry.  I try to hide my realness from others.  I sin against my children and have to ask them for forgiveness.  I lose my patience.  I feel lonely.  I feel like I've lost a sense of who I am.  It is hard.  But it is so, so good.  Not the ooey gooey facebook my life is wonderfully perfect kind of good.  Or the "I met you at the park and isn't being a stay at home mom wonderful" kind of good.  It is the hard, deeply satisfying good that comes when you see God's hand at work--His Spirit moving.  How can it be good in the midst of all the struggle and heartache?  Because I realize how needy I am.  How thirsty I am.  How desperate I am for a Savior.  I see my broken attempts to parent and my failures as a mom and without His mercy, His grace, I'd have nothing to show for it.  Thank you, God, that you can take these broken pieces, this pile of dust, and make it into something beautiful.  Thank you for this struggle, Lord.  And thank you for helping me to get real and be transparent.  I cannot--CANNOT--accomplish anything apart from You.  Anything that drives me closer and into a deeper realtionship with the Lord must be good!

Moms, be a friend to the other moms around you.  Be honest with them.  Open up to them.  Share and be transparent.  Then pray for one another.  Point each other to the gospel.  Help us keep Him from getting lost in the shuffle, lost in the struggle, or drowned out in the battle.  He promises to be ever present in our battles.  Don't face them alone.

"And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up."  Galatians 6:9 

Isms

It has been a long time since I took the time to write out some of my favorite "isms" of Joshua and Grace.  As chief toddler translator I feel pretty satisfied with my fluency in their language, though I must admit, there are times I have to ask a couple times and still just have to say, "Oh really?!  Wow!" and shamefully shake my head thinking I have no clue what my child just said to me.  I love the development of language.  I love the little things they say and I miss them when they replace them with the "right" combination of words.  I love to see their little brains working as they communicate and I LOVE that crying is no longer our primary mode of communication (though it definitely is still secondary.....a very close second, I might add).  I find so much freedom when they come to me crying and I can kneel down and ask them to stop crying and tell me with words.  And oh the words they will say!

Joshua:
There is something so unique about the way Joshua speaks.  He has this lilt and rhythm to his speech that is so unlike any of our other children.  He is deliberate with his words and often pauses between them to find just the right word to say.  He is very expressive.

• Probably my current absolute favorite of his: Hold it back!  Hold it back means, pick it up with your hands.  When I feed him PB & J he will tell me, "hold it back, Mom!"
• Run ex-a-ater!  This means will you please drive by the excavators.
• Oshua!  This is how he says his name, Joshua.
• Hey Mom!  Pretty self explanatory there, but he loves to say it to get my attention and I MUST respond!
• Do this!=I can do it myself.
• Es.  Joshua adds "es" on to the end of anything he wants to make plural.  Right now some of my favorites include: blockses, eyeses, ballses.  So cute!

Gracie:
There is nothing unexpected about Grace's language development, though it is soooooooooooo different to me as compared to our boys!  Grace has LOTS to say, when the boys just say a few things about something, she'll carry on a long conversation about it.  She has a sweet, nurturing tone to her voice already and will speak sweetly to babies, baby dolls, toys, etc.  She also knows how to use her voice to tattle on her brothers when they may have poked her one too many times.  Yes, little girls definitely know how to express displeasure!

• Color paper=I'd like to color on paper with crayons, please!  (This is one of Grace's most favorite activities).
• Uhhhhhh...hansonbed! = What happens when you disobey?  Hands on bed!
• Oh my gosh, rejoice! =This is her version of one of the songs we sing during worship.  The real words are "Oh my soul, rejoice."
• Mommmmmmmmmyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! This one is pretty self explanatory, too, but she will do this, loudly, until I respond.  When I ask her what she needs she will usually respond with, "Oh, I see cars (or whatever else she sees out the window--we usually play this game in the car)!
• Cupisome or Upisome=May I have a cup, please or will you pick me up, please?
• Right back a minute!= I'll be right back in just a minute!

As is always the case when I sit down to write these down, I forget all of them!  I know there are more....as I think of them, I will add!

By the way, when doing a post on toddler isms, spell check will hate you.

Five Years

Five years.  Wow.  It sounds like such a long amount of time and yet, it has gone by in an instant.  Jacob turned five this week and he was so sweetly excited for his big day!  He woke up and ran to give me a hug saying, "Mommy!  I am FIVE today!"

We've decided recently that we want birthdays to be more about memories and less about "stuff."  So we are skipping big parties and endless trains of presents and going for special moments with each one of our children.  This year we allowed Jacob to take one friend from church with us to spend a day up at the Cincinnati Children's Museum.  Chris took the day off work and oh, what a fun, special, and memorable day it was!  On his actual birthday we went to church where he received his much anticipated birthday sticker from his BFG teacher and then had lunch at Cici's.  We opened gifts from family (us, aunts, and grandparents) and then had a nice afternoon rest enjoying some new things.  He requested breakfast for dinner and had John Deere cake afterward.

It was truly a great day together as a family!  He seemed to love it, Chris and I loved it....everyone was happy celebrating the special gift Jacob is in our family!

Dear Jacob,
My little boy is getting SO grown up!  Happy fifth birthday, son!  I love you so much and I've had so much fun this week preparing for your birthday and reflecting on all God did in our lives to bring you here.  You don't know this now, but Mommy and Daddy waited and waited and prayed and prayed for the precious gift of a child.  Sometimes Mommy though I might never get to be a mommy!  God provided for us one of the deepest desires of our hearts when He gave us you!  We were so excited to become YOUR mommy and daddy.  We'd longed for you for so long and now, here you are, five years old!

It is hard for me to think about all that will happen during this year, the year you are five.  You will start kindergarten and become more interested in friends.  You'll play T-Ball and have more and more of an interest in "guy stuff" you do with your Dad.  I'm thankful you still have moments you are just a silly little boy who wants and needs to snuggle with his Mommy.

I love you, sweet Jacob.  We go through our ups and downs and can get pretty annoyed with each other, but I want you to know that through all of it, I still love you--more than you will ever understand.  I adore all God created you to be and I look forward with great anticipation to what He will guide you to become.

You are so bright, so thoughtful, so loving, encouraging, faithful....I hope you keep all of these character traits as you grow.  I beg the Lord to continue to pierce your heart to know more and more of Him and long for Jesus to be Lord in your life.

Happy Birthday, Jacob.  You are my son, who I prayed for!  I love you!

Mommy