Today I found out that you received the care package Daddy and I sent to you all the way in China. My heart skips a beat to think about you receiving this gift. I wish I could see your face as you pull each item out of the box. Did you draw the soft lovie blanket up to yourself and hug it? Did you rub it on your cheek or bury your face in it? Did you like the yummy fruit snacks we sent? Most of all I wish I could have seen your deep charcoal eyes as you studied the photo album. We met each other for the first time in the exact same way. One day our social worker called and told me to read my e-mail and there you were. I saw your picture for the first time and I knew in an instant that you were to be our daughter. Sometime today you saw our pictures for the very first time. Were you curious? Excited? Did you understand? When I saw you, there was something in my heart that knew, without a doubt, you were Hannah. Did you see us and know as well? Did God tug at your heart and help you to know we are Mama and Baba? Sweet girl, I am so glad these precious gifts made it to you and I pray every single day that you will study those pictures and wear the pages out as you get to know us. I study you, too. I have your picture out in our home and I like to watch the videos we have of you over and over and over..... Daddy and I have even memorized what the nannies say to you in each of the videos. I know you have no concept of what a mother or father is or should be and I know that despite the pictures, when we come to get you, you will be scared. I pray that even in your fear, when you see us in person for the first time, you will at least have a sense of familiarity; an understanding that you have seen us before somewhere. I want you to know I will be scared that day, too. You won't have to be scared alone. This journey to be woven together as a family is a scary one. It is worth it and wonderful, but it is still hard and scary at times. We have officially met each other and yet here we are....millions of miles apart and a span of what seems to be endless days before we can meet face to face.
Until then, we wait. And pray. The wait is hard, but it is also so amazing. I see God working in me to prepare me to be your mama. I see Him working in Jacob, Joshua, and Grace, too. I know His plans for all of us are beyond our greatest imagination. Someone told me this week that they could tell you were already woven very deeply into my heart and I quickly told them you were woven there long before I ever saw your face. It is so true. God placed a longing for you in my heart many years ago. It brings me so much joy to see God accomplishing this in my life, so many years later.
I want you to know how much we love you, how often we pray for you, and how we eagerly mark the time until we can come get you. My prayer for you, Hannah, is that you are loved--no, cherished--daily, that you know the joy of security and safety, that you are able to get the nutrition you need, and that God is working ever so diligently in your heart to soften it to accept us as your family. We love you and we hope you love your gifts....probably the first things that have ever been given specifically just for you. I cannot wait to hold you soon!
Love,
Mama
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