Sometimes...

Sometimes I find myself looking at photos like this one:

or this one:

and I try to imagine our daughter to be in it.  I try to picture her dark eyes and straight jet black hair and my mind tries to put her in them.  Will she be sandwiched in the middle of a silly giggle squeeze?  Or will she be dramatically trying to steal the show with a cartwheel or twirl in front of everyone?  Will she be the only one who actually looks AND smiles or will she be the one looking for food in her bucket or better yet, wearing the bucket on her head?  I try to imagine what her silly antics might be and how they will be captured in our log of memories.  I can't wait to know her.  And not just meet her, but know her.  Years of intentional love, part of the family, know her.

We've had some books from the library recently about Chinese adoption.  They have been great children's stories and some share the perspective of the siblings waiting at home and others tell it from the adopted child's perspective.  Reading these books has been a great thing for us and has generated a lot of good conversation with the kids, Grace especially.  She keeps saying she wants to hold her baby sister, but of course, she will likely be too big for Grace to hold.  So we've told her how sweet that is and how wonderful it will be to cuddle, but perhaps she may not be able to hold her like she would a baby.  One morning at breakfast, Grace sweetly declared, "I can't hold her, but maybe I can hold her hand?"  Yes!  Yes!  You can hold her hand through many parts of her life!  Please, hold her hand!

For now we are just left with lots of wondering.  Will she be subdued?  Will she be introverted or extroverted?  Will she be wild and dramatic or quiet and reserved?  Where will she be in the photos?  Who will she want to be closest to?  For now, we just look at our photos and wonder.  Sometimes I dream of who she will be.