Today Hannah and I spent the entire morning and most of the afternoon visiting audiology, ENT, and plastic surgery. It was a long day and would have been difficult for any adult to endure. Hannah attacked it like a champion. I couldn't have been more proud of her and the way she handled all that was thrown at her today. It was a lot.
My brain is to capacity and swarming to overflowing. We went seeking answers to a few things. I was hopeful. So hopeful. Maybe too hopeful. There is this deep longing within me to know...really know the answers to these questions. I want to know so I can go about the business of fixing. Sadly, after our day of appointments there is possibly less knowing than there was prior. All I can say right now is it's complicated.
Yes, I am disappointed and frustrated, but I am slowly beginning to see the bigger lesson there is in all of this for me. It isn't about knowing. It isn't about fixing. It is about trusting. Fully trusting to the point of complete peace and true, soul nourishing rest. I have things to learn here. This thing about trusting and resting.
I don't need to know. I don't need to fix. Because my hope rests in the Almighty, All Knowing Father. He is her Creator. He knows the answers I don't. He knows the fixing that is needed and when and how it will come and while there may be things He is developing in Hannah in and through this, it is very obvious He is after my fully trusting, resting heart.
It's complicated. The answers aren't right there. The answers aren't coming easily or naturally and I'm confused about what to do. So I will seek Him. I will seek to trust and just simply rest and let my Father be the One to worry about knowing and the business of fixing.
I didn't get answers today, but I did get to spend a whole day with my girl. And you know what? She's pretty great. For now, I will just be her Mama and leave the complicated stuff to our Father. It seems He is in the business of knowing and fixing and He is deserving of every inch of my fully trusting Mama heart.