Nitty Gritty

We have had many people ask, since we got our LOA, when we will be booking flights to travel, etc.  We wish the LOA were the final piece of paperwork we needed, but unfortunately, it isn't.  We will continue to plug along in the mass of paperwork and fees for several more weeks before we can officially book our travel and head to get our girl.

For those of you interested in the nitty gritty, this one is for you.  Here is what lies ahead and where we are currently:

• Right now we have submitted two things.  First, we have submitted our I800 application to US Immigration.  Earlier in the process we submitted an I800A.  This document approved us to bring an immigrant into the United States in the form of an adopted child.  The I800 is officially "matching" our "approved immigrant" to Hannah.  We can't just go over there and bring any old child back into the country.  It has to be Hannah and only Hannah.  Once Hannah lands in the United States, she will become a US citizen with all the same rights you and I have (except she can't become President since she wasn't born here).  We should be hearing back from this within the next week or two.
• The second thing we have currently submitted is our Chinese Visa application.  While we are getting things squared away to bring Hannah back into our country, Chris and I need all the necessary paperwork to enter her country.  We sent all of that via a courier to the consulate in Chicago and it ought to arrive back to our home mid-week next week.
• Once we get the I800 back, we will await a cable letter notification from the National Visa Center and complete another form, the DS 260.  This is all to prepare Hannah's visa at the US Consulate in China (we will go there to get her Visa once we've finalized the adoption in China).
• After those items are complete, we will begin the Article 5 drop off and pick up process.  Once our Article 5 is dropped off and picked up in China, we will be waiting for all the information to go to the adoption authorities in China, where they will issue our Travel Approval (TA).  This means all our paperwork is in order and we can come get Hannah!
• Once we get TA, our agency will request a date for an appointment at the US Consulate (to get Hannah's visa to enter the USA).  This is called CA (consulate appointment).  We will not book our flights until we have a confirmed CA as our entire trip will hinge around that appointment.  The CA usually only takes about 48 hours to get once we get our TA, so we should know when to book flights fairly quickly.
• Then, about two weeks after TA and CA, we are wheels up and off to Gotcha Day!

It really doesn't seem like that many more steps when you line it all out like that, but each one takes a couple weeks or more to accomplish.  Of course, there are tons (tons, tons, tons) of things to do behind the scenes to get ready to go.  I've started reviewing packing lists and trying to figure out the best way to prepare all of that without losing my mind at the same time.  It is a lot and it is overwhelming, but it will all get done and I'll have a nice long 15 hour flight to decompress after the madness of packing.

So, that is where we are in a nutshell.  Still about 8-12 weeks out, but the countdown is on!  Hannah, we are coming!

A Time of Preparation

In most cases, I will tell you the waiting part of this adoption is hard.  Really hard.  And while it is hard, it isn't pointless or meaningless time.  These are our last days as a family of five!  We need to spend some sweet time with our kiddos while we wait and create lots of great memories with them.  Chances are that when Hannah gets home, I won't be as free as I am now to color pictures or play board games.  We need to use this time wisely that we have before us.  There is tremendous preparation happening in our home and in our hearts...moving furniture, buying items for Hannah, talking about what life "might" look like when she gets home, and so on.  We are praying and trusting the Lord to show us what work we ought to do now to assist in a smoother transition post-adoption.  In all our hectic preparations here, it is really easy for me to overlook that I need to also prepare those of you who aren't living directly under our roof for what it is going to look like when Hannah comes home.  Bringing home an adopted child is drastically different from a newborn infant.

When Hannah was born, for reasons we will never fully grasp or understand, her mother made the choice to leave her.  I am sure it was agonizing and I am sure she thought Hannah would be exposed to a better life and better opportunities as the result of her agonizing choice.  Regardless, the person Hannah was most attached to, her mother, was now gone.  She was placed in a orphanage from the time of her birth and lived there for six months.  While I know the conditions in orphanages have drastically changed over the years, it still isn't home or family.  I am sure Hannah had caregivers to love on her or squeeze her, but there are only so many workers per so many children.  Hannah likely had to cry (or learned not to cry) to get her needs met and even still may not have had them met.  She likely had to eat her meals in a set amount of time and was on a regimented schedule.  After six months time, she was placed in a foster home, where she currently lives.  This is great news for our baby girl, as she likely has access to a more "family like" environment with less children and more one on one time with a caregiver.  This also means she is going to grieve her old life much harder than if she had remained in the orphanage all this time.  There will be real people with real faces and smells and sounds that she will be missing.  Prior to our arrival to pick her up, she will be placed back in the orphanage for a period of time.  This makes my heart very, very heavy.  She will begin grieving her foster parents without a new set of parents to help her get through it.  It is SO MUCH transition for one little person to handle in less than two years of life.  By the time we arrive to get her, she will have been in the orphanage, a foster home, back to the orphanage, and then to us.  Too much for a little girl!  All that transition makes her lose her ability to trust the people in her life.  Why would she trust me?  I will just be yet another caregiver in a string of many caregivers who eventually abandon her, right?

With a newborn baby, you bring them home and hold and cuddle and snuggle them.  They cry and you meet their need.  You do this over and over and over again and the infant trusts you.  You are mom and you respond when they have a need.  You are loving and kind.  There is safety in who you are.  Hannah did not get this type of consistency and as I mentioned above, there is nothing that sets me apart from all her other caregivers.  She may have lost the ability to cry or make her needs known.  She may not trust that I will feed her.  She will not trust me to provide her love and safety.  She knows nothing about the commitment I am making to her--to always love her and never abandon her.  In order to help her learn all of these things and to earn her trust, we have to prove to her we will be consistent and we will respond.  That means when we get home, we will likely treat her very much like we would a brand new baby.  We will hold her...a lot.  We will rock her and soothe her.  We will wake when she wakes in the night.  We will provide all her meals.  We may continue giving her a bottle for a time (she still takes one in the foster home).  We will do all of this to help her realize we are Mom and Dad and we are always going to meet her needs.

What does that mean for you?  Why do you need to prepare?  It means things will be different (and perhaps a little difficult) when we get home.  We might ask you to do (or not to do) strange things.  Please, please trust us.  Trust that we aren't "spoiling" her or think that we are keeping her from you.  We know it will be hard, but if we do the hard work now, in these first weeks and months of being home, then that means she will attach stronger and better to us and it will allow you the freedom (down the road) of experiencing life with her just like you experience life with our biological children. 

We'd like to address some ground rules now, so that there will be no hurt feelings or misunderstanding when we get home.  We completely understand your excitement and want you to know safe ways to express it.  First, some things we will ask you NOT to do:

• Please do not pick up, hold, place in your lap, or attempt to take Hannah from our arms--she needs to learn to find safety and security with us, first
• Please do not give her full body hugs and squeezes
• Please do not offer her food or gifts unless we explicitly tell you to do so
• Please do not kiss her face

Now for the things we WANT you to do!

• Pat her back or give side squeezes (preferably when she is being held directly by mom or dad)
• Blow her kisses--lots of 'em!
• Hold her hand or kiss her hand (again, preferably when she is being held directly by mom or dad)
• Give her a high five or fist bump!
• Talk to her and babble with her--tell her all about how excited you are, how much you've prayed for her, and so on.
• Make silly faces 
• Redirect her if she approaches you to be held, fed, or have a need met to go find mama or daddy--do not meet her need--let us do that!
• Love on our current children--lots!  Don't let them get lost in the shuffle of excitement!
• Help us with meals, our biological children, running errands, etc!

Please know that none of this is a permanent situation!  As our bond and attachment grows stronger, she will be able to expand her circle and start offering and displaying affection to those around us.  Know that if we do the hard thing now, it will be better for her down the road (and better for us).  You are not being asked to never ever hold her or kiss her....just for now, in this period of adjustment.  We will be sure to tell you when things change.

So yes, please, come to the airport and welcome us home, stop by the house to visit or bring a meal, call and check on us, and all those wonderful things!  Just let us be the ones to meet Hannah's needs and understand why we can't get out and about right away.  We will cocoon Hannah at home for a while to help her learn about home, safety, security, and family.

We are so thankful for you, for your excitement, and all your encouragement.  Join us in this time of preparation and start preparing your heart now for how things will look a little different and remember.....it is only for a time.  It isn't for forever!

Chuggin' Along, Checking Things Off

Things are really moving rapidly at this point in our adoption.  It feels overwhelming at times and it literally occupies my mind every waking moment of the day.  I'm struggling to fall asleep at night because my mind is flying through all there is to accomplish pre-travel.  Most of all, I know there are things I am overlooking and will be wishing I'd done NOW rather than the day before we get on the plane, but I don't know what those things are....  Sigh.  This is just a glimpse into what is happening in my mind these days.

So, we signed our LOA and shipped it back to Birmingham last week.  It arrived at the agency on Monday.  They reviewed the documents and got it all set to send out to USCIS (again...you go through immigration approval more than once).  Our agency sent that packet of information out to USCIS on Tuesday of this week.  We should hear confirmation that it arrived there fairly soon.

On Monday night I also shipped out our Visa applications (along with our passports....GASP!).  I've been watching the tracking on those and got confirmation that they arrived at their destination today in Illinois.  The courier there will take the applications and passports to the Chinese Consulate in Chicago, where we will get our approval Visas to enter China.  Sending our passports has been a major issue for me (by issue I mean, anxiety causing).  The courier gets too many applications each day to totally hold our hands through the process so there is no confirmation other than the tracking.  She will also notify us the day she sends it back, but that is all.  The directions were meticulous and I am certain I made a mistake on it somewhere.  If all goes well, she will drop the applications at the consulate this coming Monday and then pick them back up the following Monday (12/1).  They should get back to us that same week...the week of my birthday.  It is crazy to think that I am expecting Visas that week when, for the last couple months, I was certain we would be just getting LOA that week!  Wow!  LOA in thirty days less than expected.  AND before a major government shut down.  Totally crazy.

I started working on getting all the gifts we need to take with us for our guides, and orphanage staff, etc.  I've got almost all the women taken care of aside from the foster parents.  I still need to get the gifts for men as well. 

We still have some online training to complete and we started that.....  My dad arrives in less than two weeks with the new bunk beds for the girls and I plan to shop for bedding this weekend....

We got approved for a grant!  Yay!  This is huge!

I know there are more baby steps we've taken, but I can't think of them all.  Between homeschool, China, Christmas, upcoming early Christmas with my family, Thanksgiving, parties, work, church.......  I feel like each day I get out of bed  just run all day.  Literally, my mind is spinning.  All....the....time.  But it is all worth it and I know at some point the spinning will stop or it will just spin with new things (appointments, therapies, school, etc.).  This is the life of a mom!

We are so thankful we've made it this far!  It becomes more real with each passing day.  Soon, we'll be going after our girl!

YES!

Last night Chris and I signed our LOA for Hannah, officially accepting her as our future adopted child.  If I look tired in the photos below it is because I truly was exhausted.  There was much emotion for me yesterday.

I was an emotional disaster and I'm still easily brought to tears, but it is all good.  Wonderful, drive you to your knees in praise, good.  God has it.  And I can relax.  And it is so good to trust that.  I believe God's word is true and I also believe with all my heart that where He calls, He equips.  So with all my might, I take the leap, and I say YES.  (Deep breath in.)  YES, Hannah, you are worth it. (Deep bending knees.)  YES, God, I trust you.  (Closing eyes.) YES, I believe I have been specifically called to mother this specific little girl.  (No looking back.) YES, I know that God works all things together for our good. (Big giant leap.)  YES!  YES!  YES!  Hannah, you are ours, we accept our adoptee!  We're coming for you girlie! 

 Signing the LOA.  YES!  We accept the adoptee!

My turn to sign!  They don't leave a lot of room for a full "passport" name on these documents!  It is a beautiful document with both Chinese characters and English on it and a red official seal.

Lookin' a little overwhelmed and tired, but all in a good way!  Major milestone.  Yes, Hannah!  We want and accept and choose YOU little girl!  We are coming!

And it's off!  This little piece of paper is well traveled!  All the way from Beijing, China last week, to arrive in Birmingham, Alabama on Tuesday.  Arrived in Kentucky on Thursday and went out again on Friday, headed back to Birmingham--should arrive Monday!  Next stop, USCIS headquarters where we seek immigration approval for Hannah!

The Flood

Today, our LOA arrived.  It also opened the floodgate of emotions I've had looming and have been pushing to the side.  Today I expected elation and a sense of giddiness, but instead I got a beautiful release of tears.  There were no tears yesterday when the Fed Ex truck didn't arrive, but oh, today....today there were tears.  I wasn't kidding you when I told you the emotions related to adopting are so much like those of pregnancy.  They are wacky and irrational.  Up and down.  You feel like you are going bonkers. Why the tears?  Best answer?  I don't know (isn't that a typical pregnancy related answer to tears as well??).  There has been so much leading up to this LOA.  So much tension, fear, anxiety, and building anticipation and now....it is here.  In my house.  Later tonight Chris and I will sign it and commit to making Hannah ours.  We will package it up and take it to drop off for overnight shipping to our agency.  There is a lot wrapped up in that to unpack and I can't really explain all of it.  Being a mother is not a job I take lightly.  It is the hardest, most sanctifying thing I've ever done.  Committing to mother and love and raise another child is a big deal.  Our lives and hers will never be the same.  I'm so overwhelmed by all there is yet to do and accomplish, yet, I am also so fully thankful for all God has accomplished for us thus far.  The tears are also in awe.  Total awe of where we were just a few short months ago to where we are now.  Just a few short months from adding sweet Hannah to our family.  The flood of emotions has arrived and I've finally let go enough to just let it come.  There are tears.  Happy ones.  Scared ones.  Anxious ones.  If you ask me about China in the next coming days and months I cannot guarantee that I won't cry when I talk about it because I don't know when these floodgates will close again.  Please don't take it as though I am not excited.  I'm over the moon, but I'm strung so thin with so (so, SO much) happening in such a short amount of time.  I cannot do my slow, deliberate, introverted processing that I so much enjoy.  Things are happening lightening fast and I can't wrap my mind around all of it.  Honestly, these tears are so welcome and so wonderful.  Cleansing.

Okay, deep breath in, exhale out.  There is an LOA sitting on my kitchen table and I have Visas to apply for!

Today, the flood came.  And so did our daughter's LOA.  Praise God, from whom all blessings flow.

False Labor

Yesterday our LOA should have arrived via Fed Ex.  It did not arrive.  I waited and waited and waited.....  Our Fed Ex truck tends to come later in the afternoon, so I never expected it till around 2PM or so, but when it got on around close to 5:00 I really began to wonder.  Thankfully I got in contact with our social worker prior to her departure for the day.  Our LOA should have been sent over night to us on the 11th, therefore arriving yesterday, the 12th.  It did not get sent out on the 11th and from the sounds of it, it was still on a desk at 4PM yesterday with the promise that it would go out that day (the 12th).  Due to the delay we were promised "expedited" processing when we send our documents back for immigration processing.

There are a lot of emotions tied to this adoption and many of them mimic "real" pregnancy emotions.  This hiccup was entirely part of God's plan for us and for Hannah and we are fully trusting in that.  I did have a moment (or two) of feeling a bit deflated.  I felt like I was 40+ weeks pregnant and went to the hospital thinking I was in labor, only for them to tell me it was false labor and to send me home to walk some more.  It is frustrating, but getting worked up about it won't change the situation.

So.....hopefully and prayerfully TODAY I will greet the Fed Ex truck with great enthusiasm.

Longing for and dreaming of Hannah!

Fed Ex is my Friend

Our hard copy of our LOA arrived in Birmingham, Alabama today.  They have packaged it all up safe and secure in a Fed Ex envelope and have sent it out overnight to our home.  The very nice Fed Ex man will deliver it to our front door some time tomorrow.  I hope that poor Fed Ex man has dealt with the crazed pre-adoptive mama crowd before, otherwise, he is about to have his socks knocked off, and he may be shaking his head for days to come.  There will be much, MuCh rejoicing when that truck arrives.  I cannot be fully responsible for all that may happen.  We *might* run out to meet it at the curb.  We *might* ask to have our picture taken with the truck.  We *might* even request a photo of the actual Fed Ex man.  There *might* be squeals of joy and uncontrollable laughter or maybe even a few tears.  My hands *might* shake and I *might* babble rapidly about how we've been waiting for this for a long time.  I *might* embarrass myself doing a few cartwheels or old school cheerleading jumps.  It feels like such a huge weight off to have this document coming....yet...

The paper chase is far from over.  I received our "next steps" packet of information in my e-mail today.  Overwhelming is far too small a word.  I felt "overwhelmed" when I opened our first packet of information when we began our adoption journey.  Petrified might be a better word now.  We thought we had a lot of abbreviations to keep up with before, well, I'll be educating you on MORE in the days to come....800 applications, NVC's, Cable Letters, Article 5's, GUZ's, CA's, and TA's.  Not to mention we have to actually get ready to travel amidst all of this swirling around.  I am beginning to seriously doubt there is another corner of space available in my brain for all of this.  Home school is becoming harder and harder to remain focused on.  I am thankful for an upcoming Thanksgiving and Christmas break!  My brain simply cannot hold anything more, so if I forget something I told you, or say something wrong, or show up late or not at all, would you please extend me some grace?  Many call this "pregnancy brain."  While my belly isn't swelling, my heart certainly is, and it takes all the energy and focus my body has right now!  I've also reached that stage where getting to sleep is difficult, staying asleep even harder, and many of my dreams now include Hannah.

So, while we rejoice that our "hard" LOA is on a plane, headed to our home right now, we also need our prayer warriors to stick with us, stay strong, and help us cross the finish line!  Continued prayer needs:

• For all these "next steps" to fall into place and happen quickly and smoothly.
• For me to find peace and rest in all of this.
• For the finances to continue to come together.  Y'all, God is providing, and I'm so humbled to be a part of this part of the story!  We are incredibly blessed!
• For our kiddos here at home.  These are our last months as a family of five!  Please pray for me to come out of the cobwebs of my adoption brain to be fully present with them in this time, helping them realize they are fully loved and going to be amazingly wonderful big brothers and sisters to Hannah!
• For our parents and close family.  We are about to make them grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins again.  This is a big adjustment for all families, but Hannah may be especially challenging.  We will have some restrictions as we bond and attach to Hannah (watch for another blog about that soon!) and while these restrictions are for the best for Hannah, they may also be difficult for the aching arms of grandparents.  Pray for their hearts to be prepared for how it will be different to welcome an adopted grandchild home from how it was to welcome an infant grandchild home.
•  For us!  For our hearts and minds to be open and clear right now.  For stamina, energy, and health in these coming months.
• Lastly, for precious Hannah!  She has no clue what is about to happen to her.  Her little heart is going to break and we're going to have to try to put it all back together as best we can.  Pray, pray, pray for us to bond right away, for healing to come rapidly, for her continued health, and for her heart to be at peace in this process.

So much more yet to come, but so much done and accomplished!  Keep running the race with endurance!

Ephesians 3:20

"Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think...to him be glory..." Ephesians 3:20-21

Yesterday, we saw a God who parts seas, creates from nothing, heals the sick, and raises the dead.  Today, we see a God who does far more abundantly than we can ask or imagine!  You know, God is in the business of doing mighty things.

Yesterday, I walked with a light spring in my step.  Our file was reviewed.  Today, I jump for joy.  Our file is match reviewed!  What does that mean?  We have "soft LOA."  LOA is on it's way, people!  Once we receive the actual document, we will have "hard LOA."  Who cares about the technical jargon...

we are t minus 2-3 months from Hannah!

 Our super lame attempt to spell out LOA.

Hannah, Gotcha Day is within our reach!  Won't be long now!

Day 60--And Then God

Today is day 60 in our LOA wait.  The wait is long and it is hard, but there are certainly lessons to be learned in it.  My heart's cry through this process has been for me to remain open to what the Lord is teaching me, showing me, preparing me for.  The wait isn't just a bureaucratic nightmare that is meant to simply be endured by those of us who seek to travel this road.  You have to look beyond all that--the hoops to jump through and the jungle of red tape--to see the real purpose behind all of it.  God doesn't just do anything.  Our lives have purpose, each day has purpose, and often He is using what is in this day to prepare us for what is to come down the road.  I've seen that in this wait.  I've been more aware of Him working in my heart as a mom, showing me areas of weakness that will require work before Hannah gets home, before I'm prepared to parent a child who is not biologically my own.  I've also been aware of Him pointing out areas to pray over my children, as they prepare their hearts to welcome a new sibling.  I've seen the areas that need work and I've been ready to jump in and do the work, so we can be best prepared for Little One to come home.  There is purpose in this wait.

With that said, it has also been a difficult wait.  Some days fly by in a flurry of activity and other days seem to stand still as I watch videos of Hannah over and over and over.  It is difficult not knowing where you file is in the stack of other files.  It is difficult to know how quickly things are moving or not moving.  However, all the while, there is a sense of movement.  While my file may not have been reviewed personally, perhaps the one ten files ahead of me was reviewed, so I'm getting closer in line to "my turn."  I've envisioned standing in the longest line ever and just waiting patiently to be next in line.  While it is slow progress, it is still progress.  There is still movement.

Yesterday, we were informed of a random, completely unexpected shut down of the adoption authority in China for one week.  It is a mandatory shut down.  People are being encouraged to leave the city of Beijing and go on a week long holiday.  All this in the hopes of minimizing air pollution and smog for the upcoming APEC meeting, to be held there in a couple of weeks.  Suddenly, there is no longer movement.  The line isn't moving.  The sign says "gone to lunch, back in a week."  Now we just stand.  And wait.  Waiting with movement is hard.  Waiting with no movement is painful.

I got that news yesterday and I was very disappointed, but I also quickly saw God's hand in all of it.  During my BSF lesson this week, our speaking leader said something in the lecture that spoke to me.  She said, "Do you feel stuck?  God could do one thing and move you along, but He doesn't budge?  He wants to use this time to talk with you."  God could do one thing and make this adoption process fly along, but He want to talk with me.  With me! After getting the news of the shut down yesterday I quickly went to Him, asking what He wanted to show me in this wait--the not moving, get out of your car, parked on the freeway, sort of waiting.  I went to my prayer warriors and asked for peace and quickly it came.  I reorganized time lines in my head and figured, okay...we'd hoped for LOA by Thanksgiving or early December and then hoped for travel by late February or early March.  We'd hoped to get to Hannah by her 2nd birthday.  The shut down sets everything back a week...pushing us likely to LOA in the first two weeks of December and likely not getting to Hannah by her 2nd birthday.  It would be okay because, of course, this is God's thing, not mine, and His plan is way, way better than my own.

And then God.  I love those words in the Bible.  You know something big is coming.  And then God.  God moves mountains, parts seas, provides manna from nothing, changes water to wine, heals the sick and raises the dead.  We got to see our "and then God" today.

Yesterday, I'd let go of the hope to get to Hannah by her birthday.  Today, I got a phone call from our social worker (Can I tell you, I love, love, love it when she calls me right now?!).  She told me she was calling because she wanted to report to us that there had been movement with our dossier!  We moved!  We've been waiting to be reviewed, then match reviewed, then we get the magic LOA.  The longest wait is to get to the reviewed point.  Match reviewed moves very quickly and LOA comes immediately after.  Today, we were reviewed! Being match reviewed is typically a very short wait and could come as quickly as tomorrow, or as long as about 10-14 days from now.  With the shut down looming in Beijing (starts on 11/7), we more than likely won't hear that we are match reviewed until after their week long holiday, but, it should come very soon after they return!  I won't lie and say I am not praying for God to work yet another miracle and let us squeak that match-reviewed in tomorrow (our social worker certainly said it is possible!), but I also cannot begin to tell you how much relief and peace this has provided me while we endure this unexpected shut down.  What does this boil down to?  Once we get LOA, which will come to us any day in the next 1-14ish days, our travel to get Hannah countdown will begin and we will likely be approximately 2-3 months out from Gotcha Day!  What does this mean?  Getting to her prior to her 2nd birthday is feasible!

How can you pray now?

• First, praise Him for moving in this adoption and getting us to this point prior to the shut down!  Yay!  We are reviewed!!
• Pray for our final leg of finances to come together.  There is still a big gap between where we are and where we need to be to cross the finish line.  We have a quilt raffle running right now, a Christmas embroidery fundraiser running, and grant applications in various stages of done.  God has been so good to provide thus far, please ask Him to continue to provide.
• Pray for us to continue to see clearly from Him what we can do to prepare our hearts and home for Hannah.
• Pray for Hannah.  Her life will never be the same.  Pray for her last months in China to be sweet and treasured time for her, for her nannies and caregivers to work with preparing her heart to be adopted, for her health to be good, and for her to continue to feel loved and cherished.

Look out baby girl, we are coming to get you!  Won't be long now!