A Further Look at Redemption

November is National Adoption Awareness Month!

When I asked my friends in the adoption community to share their "before" and "after" photos of their China treasures, the response was overwhelming!  Too much for one post, so here you can see yet more of God's abundant love at work through the joy of family!

                                        

 

                                           

 

 

                                         

 

                                

 

 

                             

 

                             

 

 

You cannot deny that He works in and through the His institution of family to redeem these little ones.  What will YOUR role be in working among the least of these?

Waiting for the Harvest

This time last year, we were rejoicing over the arrival of our "soft LOA" and eagerly anticipating the arrival of the "hard LOA" at our agency.  It was a difficult period of waiting.  Cities were shut down for a week due to major conferences and important Chinese holidays were looming with yet more government shutdowns.  The waiting was difficult.  It was painful.  I shed many tears during that wait.  I wrote so many posts lamenting this wait.  So many struggles, so many worries and fears, so many mathematical equations went into that long, painful wait.  The wait for the LOA that arrived safely to our agency last year on November 11, 2014 and then to our home two days later.  You can read my building anticipation and struggles with the wait here, here, here, here, here, and here.  To say it as an emotional week last year would also be the understatement of the year.  It was emotional and hard and scary.  Looking back on it has been powerful for me this year.  God showed up in big ways throughout that wait.  Not just in the process of our adoption, but also in His process of refining me.

This year it seems no different.  I find myself waiting again, but the waiting is different.  This year the waiting is a different set of challenges....waiting for speech to develop, communication to improve, temper tantrums to abate, for fears around food to subside, for relationships and trust to run deeper.  I'm waiting for children to grasp concepts in school, for attitudes to change, for connections to be made, for knees to be bowed.  The waiting, while different from "the great LOA wait" of last year, is still hard....just in its own unique set of ways. 

What makes waiting so hard?  Waiting is hard simply due to the fact that I have absolutely no control over it.  I cannot control the waiting.  I cannot control the time table.  I don't even have the privilege to know the time table.  Waiting is hard, no matter what you are waiting for....perhaps a longed for child, a prayed over soul mate, an answer to prayer, or the salvation of a loved one, but let's be honest, waiting is hard even in less spiritual ways.  Sometimes it is hard to wait for our turn to speak, to get that needed cup of coffee, to eat that promised piece of chocolate cake, to open the first gift Christmas morning.  We don't want to wait in line or get stuck in traffic, we don't want to wait for the internet page to load or the computer to reboot.  We can't wait to eat the cookie so we munch on the dough.  Waiting is hard for humans!

My waiting this year is no different from my waiting last year in this: I cannot control my wait.  I cannot control the circumstances around my wait.  I can, however, control my response to the wait.  I can grumble and complain.  I can bemoan the lack of progress I see in certain areas, the failure to see any type of movement.  I can focus in on how the wait is negatively impacting me or causing me a certain level of inconvenience, or I can choose to control my attitude and place my focus on the Lord during the wait.  I can thank Him for the waiting and praise Him for the character He is developing in and through me as a result of the wait.  I've discovered that for me personally, I need to do several things in this time of waiting to keep my attitude in check.  First, I have to keep an attitude of praise.  No, waiting is not my first choice, but ultimately, that isn't up to me and I can't change it.  I can praise God for being the supreme Lord of my life and ordaining things to happen precisely as He sees fit according to His plan.  Second, I need to ward off my self-pity and temptation to complain by immersing myself in His truth.  I can do this no other way than by spending quality time in His word, seeking His character and finding for myself His worthiness for me to rest patiently during a time of waiting.  Third, I have to ensure I stop manipulating circumstances to get things to line up according to my plan, rather than His.  I can't force it to happen.  Lastly, I need to fully rely on Him and accept the time of waiting expectantly--expectantly waiting to see Him glorified and proclaimed in and through the wait.

We plant a garden in our backyard each year.  It is very small right now as we don't have a lot of space to have anything too expansive.  Some day we hope to have more land and a larger area to grow more things.  Each spring, as we purchase our plants and seeds and begin the process of planting that garden we can feel our mouths begin to water over the thought of that first red tomato or perfectly ripened cucumber gracing our dinner table.  We want that garden to grow and to grow quickly, but that isn't how God designed it.  We have to plant it just so in perfectly fertile soil so that the plant may take root and become strong and established in its new space.  We have to water it and weed the garden and nurture the plants to help them grow.  In the case of my cucumber vines it also involves a bit of pruning and redirecting to ensure it grows exactly where I want it and not over the top of my green beans.  The pruning is difficult and sometimes yes, a bit painful, but all the while, growth is occurring.  And we wait.  We wait for that perfect harvest to come, to watch those little baby plants transform before our eyes, to see the fruit of our labor.  As we dig into the deep red flesh of that first tomato that is still warm from the sun on the vine, the waiting was entirely worth it.

We aren't much different from that tomato plant and the circumstances of our wait aren't much different either.  Our wait is God ordained.  He's allowing time for our roots to grow deeper and more established.  He's building our character and pruning us to be more like Him.  He's preparing us for the time of Harvest, for His miraculous return, when His glory will be fully known to every tribe and nation on earth.

Waiting is hard.  Waiting is God's attempt to shape me into someone more like Him.  Waiting gives birth to things far greater than what we could fathom or understand.  Waiting provides yet more opportunity for us to bring Him glory.

So yes, a year later and I find myself still waiting--waiting on different things, but still waiting.  This year I choose to rejoice in the wait and the glorious work it means He is doing in me.  I will wait expectantly for the harvest.

"And let us not grow weary in doing good, for in due season we

will reap, if we do not give up."

~Galatians 6:9~

Pictures of Redemption {Orphan Sunday}

My friends, adoption is redemption.  It's costly,

exhausting, expensive, and outrageous.  Buying back lives

costs so much.  When God set out to redeem us, it killed Him."

~ Derek Loux(via Lifesong for Orphans)~

Today is Orphan Sunday.  November is national adoption awareness month.  We are not all called, personally, to adopt, but we are all called to participate in the care of orphans.  How can we do that?  Pray, give, go, support!  Pray for those in the process, support them financially in their endeavor to adopt, follow the prompting on your heart and GO, or provide moral support for families who have adopted.

Hannah was placed into our arms in a stark government building.  She is transforming before our eyes.  Redemption that only God can accomplish.



Our referral photo of Hannah

Adoption Day: January 2015

Home eight months: October 2015

It is remarkable to see how these precious ones change.  And so, I thought you might want to see others.  It isn't just Hannah who changes.  I asked my friends in the adoption community to share their treasures with me...their photos of redemption.  The response was overwhelming!  I hope you enjoy....

                                                     

 

                                                           

 

                                                      

 

                                                                           

 

                                                                          

                                                        

 

                                             

                                               

                                                                                    

 

 

 

Whether home a month, a year, or several years, adoption changes things.  Adoption grants us a front row seat to His redemption at work.  Beauty from ashes.  What a gift!

Our Village {Nine Months Home}

Nine months since we stepped our toes off our flight from China back into the United States with Hannah strapped snuggly in her Ergo carrier.  There is much to reflect on.  So much has happened these past nine months.  More than I ever deserved and God has heaped grace upon grace and mercy upon mercy on me. 

We couldn't have gotten through these first nine months home without you....our village.  You have blessed us in ways you simply will never fully understand (unless you walk the road of adoption one day yourself).  We can never repay you and that is the beauty of it...our village doesn't want or expect repayment.  They just simply give.  With joy and abundant sacrifice.  You just give and you keep on giving.

I will be totally honest.  Life with four kids consumes me.  I am not the friend to you that I once was.  I don't return your phone calls.  You get texts from me at odd hours.  Sometimes I respond to e-mail, sometimes I mean to and don't, sometimes I never even actually read your e-mail because it gets overlooked and slips from my mind.  I can't commit to much.  Spur of the moment is impossible.  Asking me to come something often means you are not only inviting me, but also my sweet little Asian sidekick, but you don't care.  You invite me because you want to see me.  You check on me and ask good questions.  You brought me meals through post adoption adjustment and then again through two surgeries.  You pray for my sanity--daily.  When you ask how things are going you want more than just the "fine" that is so easy to give.  You really want to know and you really listen.  You care about speech therapy and how hard it is.  You care about insurance and deductibles and medical bills.  You ask about the big kids and invite them to come play, even though you know that invitation probably translates into babysitting for you because I most likely won't be able to stay.  You still sit with me at church even though I have a distracting (and loud) toddler in my lap.  You don't judge the behavior of my children and encourage me, rather than offering parenting tips or suggestions.  You watch the big kids for appointment after appointment after appointment.  You offer breaks and any creative ideas you might have to grant us respite.

You are genuine.  You are the embodiment of Christ and for you, we will be forever thankful.  You are His hands and feet to us and your compassion seems to never run dry.  You teach us about how to love and love well.  You teach us about how to serve and serve with joy and tremendous sacrifice.  You are our village. 

Nine months home, village.  We wouldn't be here without His grace and your effectual prayers.

Cousins through Grace

Adoption is beautiful.  These two?  Cousins by chance?  No.  Cousins by God's gracious design through the gift of adoption.

 

Cousins...through His perfect plan.

 

A gift of His amazing grace.

Freedom from Circumstance

I've been wrestling over something in particular lately with God.  Something foolish and not at all worth the time, energy, and thought I've devoted to it.  I've been struggling with life with littles and how hard the day in and day out-ness of it all can really sap me in a myriad of ways.  It was always a hard job and I struggled my fair share of days in the past, but truth be told, things got a bit topsy-turvy when we arrived home from China and I've struggled to "right the ship" since then.  The fact of the matter is, I have four children.  When my feet hit American soil in February of this year I had four children aged six, three, three, and one and a half.  That is a lot of little people to be responsible for and the demands to keep up has been a battle for me.  I started to allow it to steal my joy.

For a while I was focused on it as a so called storm in my life, yet still, a storm I was called to enter into.  In Matthew 14, Jesus calls Peter out of the boat into the stormy waters.  Peter was precisely in the heart of God's will for him and only when he began to doubt and look away from the Lord did he begin to sink.  Immediately post China we were in the thick of stormy waters.  Adding a child to your family always takes time and adjustment.  It was hard and challenging, but just because it was hard, doesn't mean I wasn't in God's will.  Then time went by and it seemed like the storm was raging on a bit longer than a storm generally does.  So I named it a season.  Seasons come and go.  They begin and end.  I put my eyes out on the end of the season and trusted it would come to a close.  I placed a lot of foolish hope in the ending of that season.  And time went by.  And it didn't really end or really change all that significantly.  So I named it a circumstance.

Whoa.  What?  A circumstance?  Like a fixture in my life?  Like I won't know when it might go away sort of circumstance?

I struggled to embrace that idea.  All I could focus on was the loud, thundering thud I heard when I said its name....circumstance.  In an instant, my joy was gone. 

Enter the Deceiver.  Lies were whispered, my mind was clogged with thoughts of the permanency of that word, joy was drained away.  I lost my sense of purpose.  Circumstance felt so permanent.  What was the point of trying to work through if there was no through--no end-- to achieve?  Self became the focus and everything that happened was an attack on me.  Why would God take away my joy with this thing...this thing I've named circumstance?

Enter the mercy of the Giver of Joy.  He began ministering to me, placing things into my hands to read, enabling me to actually hear full sermons, and guiding me through Scripture.  Does it matter what this time with lots of littles is called?  Does it have to have a name?  Do I need to name it "storm," "season,", or "circumstance?"  Does that really matter?  Last I checked all that really mattered was God's will and I have no doubt I am right there, in the heart of His will for me.  I see Him.  I feel Him.  I know He is working in and through me (despite my constant mistakes and failure to follow or trust).

Where does my joy come from?  From the day to day?  From the circumstance?  No.  He never intended for me to find my joy in my circumstance.  Sure, those things may bring me happiness from time to time (who can resist the hug of a little person, or the snug fit they hold so perfectly in your lap when you read a good book, or the funny questions they come up with, or watching one of those precious little people sleep).  Happiness, however, is fleeting, and not the source of my joy.  The real problem is that I am seeking to find my joy in the circumstances.  Does His word tell me to look around at my circumstances and find my joy in them?  No.  He does use circumstance to bless me, change me, mold me, and shape me to be more like Him, but He does not ask me to find my joy in them.

True, everlasting joy can be found in the Lord alone.  The storm, season, and circumstance swirling around me will fail me every single time.  He will not.  He is constant and never changing.  He is beginning and end.  Only in Him can I find my everlasting joy and pleasure.  There will be situations daily that cause me unhappiness.  There will be spilled milk, fights with siblings, temper tantrums, communication barriers, appointments, laziness, and lack of self control.  I will not "feel" like rejoicing, but I can rejoice because I am known, intimately and personally, by a wonderful Father.  I can look for joy in the temporal, but I will never find it.  My eyes, heart, and mind need to be fully focused on the Lord and the joy that comes in knowing I am secure.  I am a full member of His family.  I have eternal joy in Him.  How can I do this?  How can I shift my thoughts?

My heart's cry is to just let it go.  I don't need to know if it is storm, season, or circumstance.  Those are just words the Deceiver wants me to use to define life with little people right now.  The Deceiver tells me my circumstance dictates my joy.  God's word tells me otherwise.  True, everlasting joy is found only in Him.

"Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you" (1 Thessalonians 5:18).  If I am able to give thanks to Him in all circumstances, I am able to draw my focus off myself and my fleshly desires for an orderly home and compliant, obedient children.  There are reasons to give thanks at all times.  Another tantrum?  Another opportunity to point that child toward Christ.  Another mess?  Another opportunity to train my children on how to maintain an orderly home and care for their belongings.  Another meal to fix?  Another chance to humbly serve the family I've been blessed with.  Another quarrel among siblings?  Another chance to share how Jesus works through disputes.  Finding joy and opportunities to give thanks should be an easy and natural response to all that He gives me in my day to day life.

His word also tells me to "Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth" (Colossians 3:2).  I can focus on the messes, the behaviors, the tantrums, the arguments....or I can take that thought captive to the obedience of Christ and put my focus on Him.  What is He developing in me through this hardship?  My child?  My family?  The more my thoughts are on the Lord (and not myself), the more (and better able) I can love my family and find joy.  His joy. 

When negative emotions come over me during this time of raising many little people, I am more than likely thinking of myself, how the situation is inconveniencing me, or impacting me, creating hardship for me.  Finding reason to be grateful in all situations will shift my focus to Him.  My desire is to truly be grateful for each situation that comes my way--they each provide greater opportunity to grow in my own spiritual journey, but also to further train my little people to be soldiers for the Lord!  Finding gratitude in the opportunity to care for lots of little people and to stay home and school them helps me shift my eyes off me and onto Him and His provision.

No one has my unique set of circumstances.  I've been placed here by Christ to serve Christ.  Only I can do that in my specific situation.  Only I can draw more glory to Him in and through the midst of the daily circumstances.  God gives each of us special gifts to serve Him and it is our job to call upon the Holy Spirit to help us steward those gifts.

Storm, season, circumstance.....  It doesn't matter because my joy isn't found there.  My hope is in the redeeming love of Jesus Christ. He gifts and equips, enabling us to tackle whatever He gives us.  God entrusted me with His work, but He never intended for me to accomplish it alone.  I can trudge through each day, dragging around the shackles called circumstance.  Or, I can allow myself the freedom to remove those shackles and find joy in the knowledge that He is here, with me, cleaning the spilled milk, disciplining the wayward child, folding the mountain of laundry.  Our teaching leader at BSF spoke these words of wisdom a couple weeks ago: "Diamonds are formed under pressure.  Pearls are formed by irritation.  Silver is made by refining fire."  He is here, ordaining all of it, every part of it with eternal purpose.  Good comes from hard.  Beauty comes from ugliness.  Yes, He is at work in the lives of those little people in my life, but more than that, He is at work in me.  He is changing me to be more like Him.  He is using this thing called circumstance to place me on the potter's wheel and change me.  I have eternal purpose as His child.  In that, I can find my joy.

 

"You reveal the path of life to me; in Your presence is abundant joy; in Your right hand are eternal pleasures."

~Psalm 16:11~

Changed

Last night, Chris and I had the opportunity to be filmed for some promotional material to be used by a non-profit foundation designed to provide grants to adoptive families.  This organization provided our family with a grant last fall, when we were pursuing Hannah.  It was a new experience for both of us.  It is difficult for me to articulate all that I want to say in a situation like that and I know I didn't fully express all that my heart desired.  I much prefer to ruminate and ponder, type, and save, and walk away.  You can't do that when someone is filming you.  They asked us to share some intimate details about our adoption journey and the work God has done in and through that process.  Again, the pressure of the moment made it really difficult for me to fully express myself, but I do hope that somewhere in there (and through the magic of editing) they are able to pull out the heart of what I was trying to say. One of the final questions they asked was, "What was most intriguing or surprising to you in your adoption journey?"  I had the answer to this question almost immediately and began answering it right away.  Sadly, my first answer didn't even make it to film since they had yet to begin recording, but I did my best to try to stumble back through it and recreate my answer for the video (the first was far better than the second).  It got me thinking quite a bit last night.

Adopting Hannah changed us.  It changed me in a way that I can't ever and will never be the same again.  All in good ways, but I will never be the person I was this time last year, eagerly awaiting the arrival of our LOA.  I think that is what I found the most surprising about our journey.  I entered into the adoption process expecting to change Hannah's life, but really, we are the blessed ones and we are the changed ones.  I was not fully prepared for the sanctifying work God was about to begin in my life through our adoption journey.  The depth of my understanding of the gospel has reached a level I've never experienced in my life.  I have come face to face with an understanding of the magnitude of the sacrifice, the cost to achieve it, and the pain that accompanies it.  I've experienced the pouring out of unmerited grace and love--a depth of understand of just how unworthy, how undesirable I am and yet how profoundly powerful His love is to look beyond that and accept me.  He has used Hannah's presence in our home to draw me into His presence in ways I never knew.  My reliance on Him and desperate need for Him is overwhelming.  I simply cannot do it.  I simply cannot weather the storm, season, or circumstance alone.  I am not equipped and I am desperately nothing without His grace, His mercy, His adoption of me into His eternal home.  Daily I am confronted with raising a child who is hurt, broken, and perhaps unaware of just how desperate her state was and still is.  Love heals a myriad of wounds, but eternal adoption....my love can't conquer that, only Jesus can. 

The fact of the matter is that yes, outwardly, we changed Hannah.  She has a place in our family, she is a Burris and always will be.  We helped her with her special need and provided her with the surgical changes she needed to thrive, but ultimately, that isn't what it is all about, is it?  What I want to change most is to pierce her heart.  Yes, I want to flood her heart with love, compassion, grace...all the tenderness only a true Mama can provide, but ultimately, I want this little person to feel the penetrating power of the gospel at work in her own life.  I want her to know Jesus in the way He is daily revealing Himself to me.  I don't know that I would know Him this way had we not brought Hannah home and I will forever be thankful for His grace to call me to adoption and then so intimately and lovingly provide me with a deeper level of understanding of Him.  I was hungry for more of Him before Hannah came home.  Now, I am daily hungering and thirsting so desperately it can only be filled by Him.

I was changed through the adoption process.  Deeply changed.  I am daily changed by the adoption process.  I am daily changed by Him.  If you hear the call of adoption on your heart, please know that He has so much more in store for you than just simply the rescue of an orphan or the giving of a Father to the fatherless.  Those are great things and so desperately needed, but His plan for you, through adoption, is far greater than what you can see on the surface and so much greater than what you have to offer to your child to be.  What we have to offer Hannah is so meager compared to what only He can give, but somehow, I get to be part of that story.  He allows me the honor of accompanying her on her journey to seek to know Him and it fills my heart with overflowing gratitude to be invited into just a small part of that story.  We gave her an earthly home and family and we get to watch her as she learns about and realizes how much she needs to seek an eternal family and home.  Yes, you will change your child, but hear my heart and know this truth...you will be changed.  You will experience spiritual warfare.  You will be stretched and you will come face to face with the gospel in unexplainable ways.  You'll have a choice.  You can press on, trusting your call, and clinging more deeply to His promises than you ever have, or....you can push it aside and resist the feeling of being a piece of clay in the Potter's hands, you can fight the filling He offers for His vessels.     Adoption changed me.  Adoption changes things.  Jesus changes everything.

**If you have any questions after reading this blog post about how to be a part of God's eternal family or how to enter into the adoption process, please do not hesitate to contact me!**