No one told us this thing called adoption would be easy. All of it is hard and I know this bit of hard beforehand is really just the training ground for the really hard of living it out and working with a child through trauma and brokenness. The home study was hard. The paper chase was hard. The waiting is hard. The unknown cause of many delays is even harder.
Three families from our agency got their LOA the exact same day that our family did. Each one of those families is getting on a plane to go to China tomorrow. They will have their little ones in their arms sometime in the middle of the night Sunday. I am thrilled for them. I cannot wait to watch their journeys unfold. Only, when we connected with them we thought for sure we'd be witnessing those journeys unfold on a personal level--with them, in China. But we won't be doing that. We'll be one of the many cheering them on from the states.
I have been communicating with our social worker to try to figure out what I need to prepare my heart for. We are dangerously close to having to sit through the Chinese New Year. Today I heard back from her. She communicated with another social worker at our agency. The one who handles the TA's as they come in and sets up the Consulate Appointments. She is pretty good at her timelines and figuring out when things might happen. Her response to us today was that with our current timeline, it does not look like we will make it in prior to the New Year. We will likely get our TA issued, but will not be able to travel until March. I know the job of the social worker is to give us worst case scenario so that we can be pleasantly surprised. So I know this is worst case scenario. But I am also afraid to hold out hope. I trust her estimation.
I am heartbroken. A floodgate of tears that I'd somehow stopped up since we got our LOA is open again and I cannot turn it off. To the depth of my soul I want to get there. Now. I know God has a plan. I know God has a reason. I know God's timing is perfect. I know this. This is my mantra. I repeat it over and over and over again. I give the same advice to other prospective adoptive parents. When I get caught up in the calculating and counting days and asking around to see how long processes are taking for others, I stop. I say my mantra. God has a plan. God has a reason. God's timing is perfect. There is purpose in the days you wait and purpose for you to wait as long as you are. I know I am speaking truth to myself because God's word tells me this is truth. However, I am desperate for this truth to penetrate my heart and act as balm to my wounded mama's heart.
Despite this information I am going to continue to boldly ask the Lord to somehow open doors for us to be able to go prior to March. I know our God is a God of miracles and I have seen Him move swiftly in so many areas. I am going to trust Him.
Please continue to pray boldly for us to get the opportunity to go prior to the Chinese New Year. Please also pray for me to find peace, regardless of what the outcome is. Nobody said this would be easy.