The past seven weeks have been a whirlwind of messy, good, and hard. Good is a big deal and we celebrate all of the good. For example, on Sunday morning, she just woke up in her bed....happy. She never wakes up happy. I remember the days of our older three waking up and being happy in their beds and hearing their little voices singing songs. There was peace in that contented time of waking up. They knew they were safe and secure, that mama was here, and that they could just.....rest. Hannah woke up happy. She was content and secure. She knew where I was. She didn't need to shout in a panic. Wow, that was something worth celebrating. She hasn't done it since, but we know the contentment is creeping in!
What have I noticed the most about Hannah in these last seven weeks in our arms? Each day she becomes more free. Free to feel, free to hurt, free to be joyful, free to have fun, free to be sad or angry. Just free.....free to be.... In the early days there were so many guarded walls around her. Happiness instantly brought anger; she was furious with us for evoking even the smallest of laughs. She was not happy with what was happening to her and over all else, she wanted to make that incredibly clear. There was no room for giggles and joy. While she did have moments of fun and giggling in China with us, it was always guarded. We knew it would last just a fleeting moment and when it ended, it would end hard. Angry. Now? She is free! Free to experience life in the ups and downs that it brings, but there is no consequence for it. She can have fun. She can be mad. She can be Hannah and that is so incredibly freeing. Walls come down and true personality begins to shine.
Seven weeks in our arms and she is free. Safe. Secure. Loved.
Yesterday the swing was total sensory overload. She tolerated only the smallest of pushes and wanted out right away (this was her 2nd time in the swing). Not really happy about it and had white knuckle grip.
Today? Today she is free. Swinging high and having fun!