It is too early in the LOA wait to be lamenting the difficulty, but yet, here I am...just shy of 20 days into the wait and all the stuff that everyone said about this wait being the most difficult wait....they were SO right.
Some days the wait seems easy. I am busy and content with preparing to bring our daughter home. I breeze in and out of the day buried in house work, school work with the kids, and family activities. I feed myself with a daily dose of all the wonderful blogs people are posting of their own gotcha days. And I am at peace and content.
Then there are days when I read the blogs and posts of LOA and TA and my heart aches. I watch 60 second video clips over and over and over and over again......... Longing. I know God knows my heart. I know He knows my daughter's heart. And I know He knows when it is THE time to move in our adoption. I trust all of that. But sometimes this wait known as the LOA wait is just....so....long (and I am admittedly VERY early in this wait!). And hard.
Right now at our church we are working through a sermon series based in Numbers and I'm thinking of the years the Israelites spent in the desert. Rather than praising God for the miracle He had accomplished and expectantly looking ahead for what He was yet to do, they spent their time grumbling and complaining. It was contagious and grumbling took over the camp, leading to further misery. God was using this time in the desert to train and prepare the people. The time was not right for them to enter the Promised Land. I feel a bit like we have been lead into the desert called LOA WAIT. I have a choice, just like the Israelites. I can complain. I can whine. I can grumble. Or I can rejoice over what God has accomplished. The miracle that just took place. There is one less orphan in this world and she will soon be a daughter, sister, and grandchild. She will be dearly loved and cherished. I can rejoice over that and humbly thank God for for this miracle or I can grumble and my misery will only be heightened.
Lord, let me rejoice and expectantly look ahead for what You are yet to do and accomplish in this adoption. While I sit in this dreaded desert known as LOA WAIT, I am going to choose YOU. I am going to choose to allow YOU to quench my thirst. I will keep my eyes intently upon You, trusting You will move according to Your plan. Lord, help to to learn all the lessons You have for me in this desert and prepare my heart to enter the Promised Land of holding our sweet daughter close.