We've had a rather bizarre nap day at our house today. We put Jacob down a little later than normal, but nothing totally out of the norm for a busy day. He seemed incredibly disinterested in napping, which is a first. For those of you who know my son, even a little bit, you know how much that boy LOVES to sleep and how he relishes nap time each and every day. So it was odd to Chris and I today when he seemed a little put out with us that we were putting him down to nap. I think he just wanted to spend more time with his Daddy....
So we got him down around1:30. He usually goes down sometime between 12:30 and 1:30, so again, it wasn't that odd. We got him settled in and went to workout. He kept on talking and chatting away, so around 2:15 we went back in to check on him. He had dirtied his diaper! No wonder he wasn't going to sleep! So, we changed him, he snuggled and rocked with Daddy for a little while, and we tucked him back in.
Chris then came to the living room to participate in nap time himself and I got on the computer to do a little catching up. He continued to talk. He sang his ABC's, counted, named everyone in the family (multiple times), and did a lot of speaking gibberish. He was definitely not at all interested in nap time, for some odd reason.
At 3:00 (a full hour and a half since we put him down), he was still going strong so I decided I should go back there and perhaps get a little firm with him about his nap time. When I went in the room I discovered he had pitched his blanket, his B, and his stuffed Elmo out of the bed onto the floor, which was a first. Again, no wonder he wasn't sleeping. The boy simply cannot sleep without his B.
So, I scooped everything up and put it back in the bed and pulled Jacob out to snuggle and rock for a little while. I thought I might be able to settle him down. We rocked about fifteen minutes and he fell asleep within about five.
As I sat and held him, I realized what a gift rocking my baby boy really is. There, in the quiet of the house, I could just hold him and study him; plant memories in my mind and soak it all in. I saw how dark his eyelashes are in contrast with his fair, delicate skin. I noticed the little vein that runs across the bridge of his nose is becoming more noticeable again. His little lips purse to make the sweetest red/pink bow on this face. His nose is perfect....I don't know whose nose it is....but it is perfect. I settled in to the rhythm of his breathing, in and out, in and out.......... His hair is just like the color of mine and Chris' and it is the softest hair ever; it is still baby hair. It hugs his head and scalp perfectly. He settled his whole body against mine with complete abandon and trust. Trust that I would protect him and trust that I would hold onto him. I could hear him sucking his thumb and then once he drifted off to sleep, I could feel the weight of his arm grow heavy as the thumb fell from his mouth and the sucking stopped. I could feel his little body start to twitch as he had his first moments of sleep, just like his Daddy twitches as he drifts off to sleep. I thought about him growing up and realized that it is the memories of moments like this that make mother's cry at their son's weddings. I remembered the little saying that says, "a daughter is a daughter for life, but a son is only a son until he takes a wife." I remembered a conversation I'd had with my mom over Christmas where she told me she could no longer picture my brother as he was when he was a little boy. She couldn't imagine what it was like to have him lay his sweet head on her shoulder or come running to her to kiss his boo boos. I don't want to forget how it feels to hold my sweet Jacob Boy in my arms and rock him to sleep. Perhaps by writing it down, I won't forget. I don't know how many more times I'll get to rock my baby boy to sleep so today, I thank God for the gift of rocking with him.
I think rocking is one of the greatest gifts God gives mothers. I know it is not a mistake that God gave us this wonderful, beautiful gift. I think He rather enjoys those sweet moments Himself.